Reggie Bush benched on fantasy team, strains hamstring

It’s Satire Saturday! The following story is completely made up.

bush injured

Detroit Lions running back Reggie Bush will miss an unknown amount of time after straining his hamstring last weekend. Sports Monocle has learned that the injury occurred when a fantasy football player was removing Bush from his lineup and putting him on the bench.

“When he moved the mouse pointer over my name and dragged it to his bench, I just felt something pop,” Bush said. “I’ll just take it a day at a time and see how I feel after the bye week.”

Bush was drafted 28th overall in a 12-team PPR league by fantasy football player and noted idiot Derrick Morton.

“I was really excited about the pick,” Morton said. “I thought the PPR format made him really appealing with Joe Lombardi taking over the Lions’ offense. I just didn’t anticipate how fragile (Bush) would be.”

Bush has dealt with nagging injuries throughout his career. He has played in 111 of a possible 136 games, though many of those games he played at less than full strength and was ineffective.

“I haven’t been 100 percent since high school,” Bush said. “I really can’t believe he was stupid enough to draft me in the first place.”

Along with his injuries, Bush has also done very little when he’s been on the field. He has 49 rushes for 171 yards and one touchdown to go with his 25 receptions for 164 yards.

He is on pace for his worst season since 2010, when he missed eight games. It was his last season as a member of the New Orleans Saints.

“I wouldn’t say he’s murdering my team, because Adrian Peterson already took care of that,” Morton said. “I had hoped Bush would step up after Knowshon Moreno got hurt and Peterson got suspended, but he’s just been one more disappointment.

“Peterson may have killed my team, but Bush is dancing on its grave.*

The Lions are expected to employ a stable of running backs Joique Bell, Theo Riddick, and George Winn in Bush’s absence.

Morton, however, will be unable to use any of them in his lineup.

“I’d really like to drop (Bush) but I’m sincerely afraid that it will kill him,” Morton said. “He’s destroying my team, but I’m not a murderer.”

The Lions’ next game will be November 9, when they will host the Miami Dolphins.


*Unconfirmed reports have surfaced that Bush sprained his ankle while dancing on Morton’s fantasy team’s grave. Stick with Sports Monocle for the latest.


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