Vikings believe whatever you believe about Adrian Peterson

It’s Satire Saturday! The following story is completely made up.


 

ap

With Adrian Peterson’s reinstatement hearing looming, the question turns to whether the Vikings will even want him back should the NFL reinstate him.

There is reportedly some disagreement among Vikings brass and, publicly, the Vikings are only giving non-answers at this point.

However, Sports Monocle has obtained an e-mail the Vikings sent out to season ticket holders. The message follows in its entirety.


Dear __________________,

 

We would like to take this opportunity to update you on the status of running back Adrian Peterson. We understand that while some of you believe Mr. Peterson should return immediately, others believe that we should deactivate him as continued punishment for his actions.

After much deliberation, we have decided to …

Click here if you want us to reinstate Mr. Peterson.

Click here if you want us to deactivate Mr. Peterson.

 

 



… reinstate Mr. Peterson. Today’s decision was made after significant thought, discussion and consideration. It is clear to us that this is the correct course of action.

As evidenced by our decision to deactivate Adrian in Week 2, this is clearly a very important issue. Just, you know, not that important.

We believe in second chances. Anyone who disagrees with us clearly hates second chances and claims to be perfect. Well, we in the Minnesota Vikings organization realize not everyone is perfect. Some of us have made mistakes. Mr. Peterson simply made a mistake, and deserves the chance to redeem  himself.

Since we have made a decision you agree with, please continue to give us your money.

 

 



… deactivate Mr. Peterson. Today’s decision was made after significant thought, discussion and consideration. It is clear to us that this is the correct course of action.

As evidenced by our decision to deactivate Adrian in Week 2, this is clearly a very important issue. We never wavered for a second.

We believe child abuse is wrong. Anyone who disagrees with us clearly hates children and is likely also a child-beater. Well, we in the Minnesota Vikings organization are not child-beaters. Some of us have children, and we couldn’t imagine doing harm to our little angels. Mr. Peterson is a despicable human being and doesn’t deserve his freedom, much less the chance to return to the Minnesota Vikings, a franchise that holds itself to the highest moral standards.

Since we have made a decision you agree with, please continue to give us your money.

 



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