Winter Warlock claims responsibility for Buffalo blizzard

It’s Satire Saturday! The following story is completely made up.


The Winter Warlock released a grainy video today in which he admitted to being the cause of the recent inclement weather in the Buffalo area.

winter warlock

The Winter Warlock did not give a reason for his actions, merely pointing out that anyone living in Buffalo is “DOOOOOOOOMMMMEED.”

The blizzard dumped seven feet of snow on the Buffalo area and forced the Buffalo Bills to move their home game to Monday night in Detroit.

Reports indicate that Mr. Warlock would cease his criminal actions if someone would simply give him a “choo-choo” or some other form of toy. Unfortunately, Buffalo mayor Burgermeister Meisterburger’s ban on toys is still in effect.

burgermeister

“Toys are still considered illegal, immoral, unlawful and anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown in the dungeon,” Meisterburger said.

The Bills landed in Detroit yesterday. Rumors persist that the Bills acquired Minnesota Vikings tight end Kyle Rudolph to help lead them through the storm, but Sports Monocle has not confirmed these rumors.

The Bills (5-5) have dropped two games in a row, and could potentially move into a tie for second place in the AFC East with a win.

Information from Fred Astaire was used in this report



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s