From Outta Nowhere! Wrasslin’ Wednesday 4/22/15

Wrasslin Wednesday Header

Derek: We’re coming to you live (two days later) from Albany! There’s really only one thing you need to know about Raw: Randy Orton RKO’d everything.

rko2Everything!

rko3EVERYTHING!

rko4

And, well, that might be enough to call it day. But we won’t. Let’s run down some of the happenings on the final Raw before Extreme Rules.

Randy Orton did, in fact, have a reason for RKOing everything. As we mentioned last week, Orton will face Seth Rollins in a super-gimmicky No RKO Steel Cage Match. Since the RKO will be off-limits this Sunday, Randy thought it would be best to get as many RKO’s as possible out of his system before the end of the evening. He wasn’t particularly worried about who would be receiving said RKO’s–only that Seth Rollins would get one before the night was out. As you can see above, he succeeded.

The evening’s B-story went to Kane, who continues to wrestle with his demons. (Heh.) He once again teased a face turn, but nothing came of it. He nearly quit his job as Director of Operations, but was talked out of it by a returning Triple H. Though every time Kane took a step back to the Authority, Rollins kicked him back with a few condescending remarks. Kane also accepted this weeks U.S. Open Challenge from John Cena, which naturally ended in defeat.

Where are they going with this story? When will WWE finally #FreeKane?

Will: It’s coming! It must be coming. It might be coming. I hope it’s coming. I’ve enjoyed the slow burn of the rift in the Authority. A suddenly meek Rollins being flanked by an even meeker J&J Security team has been strangely entertaining. The Rollins-Triple H mentor/mentee relationship has been fun, and Seth is such a great heel that he doesn’t even need much to work with.

As to what they’re going to do with Kane, here’s my half-baked, harebrained, hopeful theory: He’s Bray Wyatt’s next opponent. Wyatt’s promo this week addressed a still-unknown “you” who is not driven by money, power, or respect. “You” are different, Wyatt says. “You” are motivated by fear.

He’s Corporate Kane now, but deep down inside, the Big Red Machine still lurks. Wyatt has taken on the Undertaker, and now he has his sights set on little brother. He will awaken the demon once Kane tires of the corporate schtick, and the monster will return in fiery glory.

Um, I hope.

Derek: If the internet is to be believed (and it’s never lied before) WWE has banned Seth Rollins from using the Curb Stomp. Aside from the hilarity of WWE real-life banning Seth Rollins’ finisher a week before he faces a guy whose finisher was kayfabe banned, the most surprising part of this is a wrestling move being considered “too dangerous.” Does that mean it’s a dangerous move, or does it mean it looks too dangerous and they’re afraid kids are going to do it? Is it related to concussions? If so, why the sudden banning? What led to the timing? The whole thing confuses me. People have been injured by powerbombs and piledrivers, but those are still allowed. Aren’t all wrestling moves dangerous? What makes the Curb Stomp more dangerous?

RIP, Curb Stomp. I’ll miss you.

curb stomp

Will: Based on the little (and surely reputable) that I’ve read online, kids using it is the biggest problem. I think this is stupid, however, as I tried good and hard to hurt myself doing wrestling moves in the basement, and here I am, alive and well. WWE trying to legislate childhood idiocy may be their boldest move yet.

Derek: I’d say we could move on to our Extreme Rules predictions, but is there anything to predict? Rollins is probably beating Orton. Cena is probably beating Rusev. Daniel Bryan’s match likely won’t happen. Nikki Bella is probably beating Naomi. Roman Reigns is probably beating Big Show, though it’s possible no one will notice even if Big Show does win. The only 50/50 matches are Sheamus-Ziggler (whose ass will be kissed?!?!?) and Ambrose-Harper.

Do you disagree with any of that? And here’s a bonus trivia question: when was the last time Dean Ambrose won a match at a pay-per-view?

Will: Agreed all around. Not much intrigue there. A few miscellaneous notes to fill the air:

  • Naomi’s entire character and execution looks like Vince told someone to come up with a generic black girl: I want leopard print! Give her one of those disco songs! She’s gotta use her ass, dammit!
  • I’m enjoying Sheamus’s heel work. I’m not enjoying his facial hair.
  • Bryan’s injury is a bummer.
  • Ass-kissing matches could go away forever and I’d be okay with it.

But hey, I like Ambrose and Harper, so I think that match could be fun! Tell me more about Ambrose’s sterling record over the last year or so.

Derek: Dean’s last victory came on June 1, 2014 at Payback in The Shield’s final match. In the following PPV’s:

Money in the Bank: Lost the Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Rollins won).

Battleground: Lost to Rollins by forfeit.

SummerSlam: Lost to Rollins.

Night of Champions: Didn’t participate in a match, though he did assault Rollins after Roman Reigns couldn’t compete due to a hernia.

Hell in a Cell: Lost to Rollins.

Survivor Series: Lost to Bray Wyatt.

TLC: Lost to Bray Wyatt.

Royal Rumble: Unsuccessfully competed in Royal Rumble match.

Fastlane: Lost to Bad News Barrett.

WrestleMania: Lost Intercontinental Championship Match (Daniel Bryan won).

Pretty incredible, right? And, as you may have noticed, his last pay-per-view victory was not a singles match. If you want to see his last singles match victory, you have to go all the way back to September 15, 2013, when he beat Dolph Ziggler at Night of Champions.

#FreeDean

Will: Yikes, you weren’t kidding. Has Dean become a jobber to the stars and I didn’t even realize it? That’s the craziest thing he’s ever done.

dean harper

WWE, Inc.

 

Derek: So, I’m going to be doing housework during the Roman Reigns-Big Show Last Man Standing Match. What will you be doing?

Will: Something that isn’t watching the Roman Reigns-Big Show Last Man Standing Match. Can’t wait.

Derek: Triple H made THE GREATEST ANNOUNCEMENT OF ALL TIME when he informed us that the new season of Tough Enough premieres on June 23. Excited?!

Will: I enjoyed that 10 men and 5 women get to compete. Way to drive home that inequality, WWE.

(And I get that more men wrestle than women, but given the criticism of the handling of the Divas division, this ain’t a great look.)

Derek: Miz defeated Mizdow to retain his status as The Miz. Is this the end for Damien Sandow? Will you be watching Miz and Paige’s Christmas movie? Did you know Paige’s real name is Saraya-Jade Bevis, and her mother is a professional wrestler named Sweet Saraya?

Related: I miss WrestleMania.

Will: A brilliant theory I came across on r/squaredcircle (though I cannot find the link right now): Mizdow should take on a Macho Man gimmick and form the bizarro Mega Powers with Curtis Axel. It’s not exactly highbrow stuff, but I am completely confident that those guys would be incredible. 

As for the other questions: No, no, and no!

So while it may not have been the best week of wrestling — and it surely wasn’t — I learned some things today. I hope you did too.

 



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