Suplex City Limits: Wrasslin’ Thursday 6/18/15

Wrasslin Wednesday Header

Derek: I’m coming to you live (three/four days later) from Columbus/Cleveland! The NBA Finals have come to an end, which means this should be our final Wrasslin’ Thursday and our final Will-less week for a while. But you’re stuck with me this week, and it’s going to be fun for the whole family.

orton family

In lieu of the witty banter you’ve all come to know and love, I’ll run through all of the Money in the Bank matches before covering Raw highlights on my way to Suplex City. That should be fun, because I’ve been wrong and/or surprised a whole bunch lately.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

Last week, I tried to give a justification or two for each wrestler in the match becoming Mr. Money in the Bank. I thought of one for everyone except Sheamus. Naturally, Sheamus won. After it happened, I thought WWE was just going to go the surprise route and have Sheamus cash in later that evening. I envisioned the evening ending with Vince raising Sheamus’ hand in the air before directly addressing the camera and telling all of us stupid smarks at home to shove our message boards up our collective ass. It seemed more and more likely as Rollins and Ambrose beat the hell out of each other in a 35 minute ladder match.

Alas, it wasn’t to be. So I really don’t see the endgame here. I don’t think he would add anything to the upcoming Rollins-Lesnar feud, and he looks to be entering a program with Randy Orton. If I had to guess, I’d say the briefcase won’t come into play for at least another five or six months. Maybe they’re setting Sheamus up for a title run around Survivor Series. I couldn’t think of a good reason for him to have it last week, and I still can’t think of one. Maybe they’ll surprise me again.

Nikki Bella vs. Paige

Sadly, Nikki Bella retained her title after more interference from her twin sister. Brie switched places with Nikki yet again, but Paige actually pinned Brie. Naturally, Brie was quick to point out that she was not Nikki, as she pulled the tissue out of her top that she had used to mimic her sister’s … enhancements.

brie stuffing

Rather than ruling a disqualification, the referee restarted the match, and Nikki downed Paige with a Rack Attack.

Nikki Bella is the longest reigning current champion in WWE. That’s incredible.

Big Show vs. Ryback

Not much to see here. Miz interfered and Ryback beat everyone up. I almost forgot this match happened.

John Cena vs. Kevin Owens

These two set the bar high after their Elimination Chamber match, and the rematch didn’t disappoint. It’s taking everything I have to resist the urge to put seven or eight GIF’s from the match. I can’t decide on my favorite part. Owens as a high-flyer?

owens jump

Cena doing whatever this is?

whaaa

Owens’ powerbomb outside the ring?

owens cena powerbomb

The whole thing was spectacular. It was only about 75% as awesome as the announce team claimed, but it was still awesome. I remember thinking I wanted this feud to go on for a while longer. Then something horrible dawned on me: I’m a John Cena fan.

Ever since Survivor Series, he’s been one of the best parts of wrestling. He was part of a Match of the Year candidate at Royal Rumble. He was the only person to make Rusev interesting. His U.S. Open Challenges have been some of the best parts of Raw. He’s had two incredible matches with Kevin Owens. Somehow, I now look forward to Cena’s promos and matches.

It was unthinkable a year ago. Daniel Bryan had just forfeit the WWE World Heavyweight Championship due to injury, so a ladder match for the vacant championship was held. Cena faced off against Randy Orton, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Sheamus, Cesaro, Kane, and Alberto Del Rio. Cena won, and I died a little bit inside. He may not have been the last one I expected to win, but he was the last one I wanted to win. Michael Cole spewed some Coleisms about Cena being the greatest wrestler of all time as I seethed and shut my TV off. I didn’t think I would ever look forward to seeing him. Now, he’s almost must-see.

I don’t want to sound like Cena doesn’t get enough credit. Michael Cole will always make sure Cena gets plenty. But while Owens is (rightfully) getting a ton of attention, Cena has been underappreciated. It can’t be a coincidence that some of the best wrestling moments of the last year involved Cena. Could Cena be … underrated?

ignore

No. That’s ridiculous. But I’ll give the man his due. He’s on fire right now.

The New Day vs. The Prime Time Players

Last week, I called a New Day loss “unlikely.” I’m an idiot.

This was a weird match. The New Day have had some great matches, and they’ve gotten a pretty big push recently. If they were going to lose, I thought they’d at least be given enough time to make a show of it. But it was almost the shortest match of the evening at just under six minutes. Only Ryback-Big Show and the pre-show match were shorter.

But those matches were supposed to be short. No one cared about Barrett vs. R-Truth and Ryback vs. Big Show didn’t have a real finish. How often does a popular champion get taken down in a sub-six minute match by a challenger that pretty much came out of nowhere? I know WWE wants to push The Prime Time Players because of who they are in real life, but I didn’t think they’d give them the belts in such an anti-climactic fashion.

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

Another great match between these two, which once again ended with Rollins on top. Hey, I got one right!

ladder match finish

In their yearlong history, Rollins has pretty much always come out on top. Money in the Bank was no different. I hope Ambrose gets his revenge someday. But it wouldn’t be this time because …

brock return

… Brock came back on Monday night. Triple H and Steph reinstated him, presumably to continue testing Rollins’ belief that he doesn’t need anyone else to be successful. Rollins is likely rethinking that belief, as he tucked tail and ran shortly after Brock approached him.

rollins brock

Rollins will likely work to regain the trust of The Authority over the next few weeks. That should be fun to watch. I’m a little surprised that they’re already schedule for a match at Battleground, though. I assumed they wouldn’t face off until SummerSlam. That makes the SummerSlam picture a bit more murky. Would they face each other two months in row? Would they move on and face someone else? Rumors are floating around that Rollins will face Triple H at SummerSlam. I wonder who would be the heel in that feud.

WWE, Inc.

WWE, Inc.

Lost in the surprise of Sheamus becoming Mr. Money in the Bank was the event that led to Roman Reigns losing. Reigns had the match won but, surprise surprise, the lights cut out and Bray Wyatt knocked the ladder over. Sources confirm that I was not watching a rerun.

I went on a rant about how I would use Bray Wyatt last month, which I won’t recount here. I’ll just say that it didn’t involve him RANDOMLY INTERFERING IN SOMEONE’S MATCH AGAIN. This was so bitterly disappointing. I would rather have just seen Reigns as Mr. Money in the Bank. Once again, Wyatt assaulted someone for being a false prophet or something. Now Reigns gets to play the role that Ryback, Dean Ambrose, Chris Jericho, and John Cena have already played. Only half of those feuds worked out, and neither of them were recent.

I suppose it could work out. Bray did have additional cause for the attack, since it was Roman who kept him out of the MITB match. And they do have a history from their old Shield v. Wyatt Family matches. I just have my doubts. Though Wyatt making fun of Roman’s “I’m a little teapot” commercial was a nice start.

teapot

Finally, Kevin Owens powerbombed noted rapper Machine Gun Kelly, who had just finished performing.

machine gun kelly

I skipped his performance, as I always skip musical performances on WWE programming, but he couldn’t have been that bad.

Well, that’s all I’ve got. The Road to SummerSlam is already upon us, Brock is back, and Kevin Owens looks like he’s going to be a star. These are exciting times, considering we’re headed toward the lightly-regarded Battleground PPV.

Perhaps that’s the biggest surprise of all.



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