Sting’s Statue-tory Assault: Wrasslin’ Wednesday 9/9/15Posted: September 9, 2015
Derek: We’re coming to you live (two days later) from Baltimore! The main eventers ruled again this week, with the Rollins storyline going forward and most of the rest getting minimal treatment. Unfortunately, no one could beat out Rollins’ statue for screen time.
Rollins kicked off the show with a promo, and there was Sting, on the Titantron, mocking Rollins with the stolen statue. Rollins responded by complaining to “heel” Authority member Triple H, who helped his handpicked champion prepare for Night of Champions by putting him in two matches on Raw. The first, against Ryback, was a loss, as he couldn’t focus when Sting appeared on the Titantron yet again.
Rollins’ second match of the evening featured a team-up with two members of New Day against John Cena and the Prime Time Players. This led to one of Raw’s top segments. See for yourself:
“We don’t care about yo kazoo, son!” Well said.
Anyway, Rollins was on the losing side in that match as well, and Sting decided to put a cap on the evening by finally destroying Seth’s beloved statue.
Sting’s gimmick at the moment is basically “I’m Sting.” When he first returned, he didn’t say anything for months and used fear as his main weapon. He never showed up unless the lights were out, and even used Fake Stings once. Now he seems like a wacky Saturday morning cartoon villain. It’s cool because he’s Sting, but his personality has been perplexing the last two weeks. First he spends an evening in the hospital getting his lips surgically removed from Triple H’s ass, and now he’s employing comic mischief. But hey, he’s Sting! And at least he’s actually showing up to sell his feud. That’s more than we can say for Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker.
Will: Sting’s motives seem to be changing by the day. He’s long had dueling symbols in the scorpion and the crow, so why not vacillate between personalities, too? It doesn’t necessarily make sense — this is wrestling, after all — but this latest version of Sting is working for me. Anything that gives Rollins more room to throw a tantrum is just fine in my eyes. Rollins is at his best when he’s acting like a 12-year-old, and the statue saga is just absurd enough to be perfect. I hope he gets a replacement, only for Sting to reveal his flock of trained (and very full-bellied) pigeons.
Derek: Now, let’s move on to what might be the worst feud of 2015. Dolph Ziggler (with Lana) vs. Rusev (with Summer Rae). My goodness. It just keeps getting worse. And WWE seems to think it’s so cool! WWE’s resident king of exaggeration, Michael Cole, called it a “sensational story (that) grabbed the entire planet!” That … is not true.
So here’s the deal, since we haven’t really mentioned this for our own sanity. Ziggler and Lana have been flaunting themselves as a super in-love power couple, including some Instagram selfie kisses at Disney World. But last week Summer Rae sneaked into Ziggler’s dressing room while he showered, then ran out screaming a short time later. According to Summer Rae, she went into the dressing room to make peace, but Ziggler seduced her with his nakedness. She apologized to Rusev for this Monday night, and he accepted.
Ziggler simply says she walked in, saw him naked, and he kicked her out. Lana didn’t like it. Now she engages in occasional cat fights with Summer Rae, but won’t be for a while because of a broken wrist.
That’s it! Isn’t it stupid? And that doesn’t even do it justice. Throw in the acting, the commentary, and Lana’s unbelievable fall from relevance, and we have my current Worst Feud of 2015. It’s going to take some doing to top it in the next few months.
Anything I’m missing? Was there a worse feud I’m forgetting?
Will: One small factor that will limit my ability to discuss this entire angle: it was the only part of Raw that I completely skipped this week. I find it uncomfortable to watch. It feels like a throwback to the Attitude Era, back when Debra trotted around in skimpy business suits as the crowd (and Jerry “the King” Lawler) yelped for her to disrobe. The current storyline with Lana and Summer Rae doesn’t stoop to that level, but it’s felt like weeks of cat fights with no real progress or point.
I just don’t get it! Which of the four parties involved is benefiting from this? Where do they go from here? What purpose is this serving? There have been rumblings that WWE earmarked Lana as its next big star, but Rusev seems to be doing more with his chunk of the spotlight than anyone else here.
I suppose this will culminate in Rusev and Ziggler’s match at Night of Champions (don’t mind that neither is a champion, I suppose). I suppose both ladies will get involved. I suppose Dolph will win, and he and Lana will share a big fat smooch in the ring. I suppose the crowd will enjoy it. I don’t suppose I’ll be among them.
Derek: The final topic of the week is the Divas Championship. I complained last week about the match not happening until Night of Champions, since that would mean Nikki would break AJ Lee’s record as the longest reigning Divas Champion. Yet the “heel” Authority has done us all a favor and moved the match up to next Monday. So now Charlotte, the winner of last week’s “Beat the Clock” challenge, has the hopes and dreams of every wrestling fan on her shoulders as she tries to prevent the unthinkable. Of all people, Nikki Bella can’t break AJ’s record … can she?
Will: I wouldn’t think so, but I also wouldn’t put it past the McMahon clan to use this opportunity to stick it to AJ, the real-life wife of CM Punk, especially with how we’ve seen Sting kowtow to Triple H. The Bellas have apparently returned to full heel status, and breaking AJ’s record could conceivably give Nikki more heat than her toothless promos and in-ring calisthenics do. As things stand now it’s easy to see Charlotte breaking the streak and beginning her new life as champion, but that very projection makes the notion of Nikki winning that much more alluring.
I’m just happy that the focus has been narrowed a bit in regard to the ladies. We still have the teamwide tension, but expressed through individual battles. We don’t need to see 3-on-3 matches to understand that Paige, Charlotte, and Becky Lynch don’t care for the Bellas; Charlotte v. Nikki alone accomplishes that. The downside to this is that Team BAD is getting squeezed out, but time is still being made for Sasha Banks, and rightly so. Like any sport, wrestling is star-driven, and not all of the nine women central to the Divas Revolution are stars (insincere apologies to Tamina).
WWE has finally figured out which have what it takes — I’m excited to see Sasha take center stage after the Nikki-Charlotte match — and what do you know, things are getting a little better. Stars are necessary. Stars are compelling. Stars make average matches good and good matches great. Stars are the ones we remember. Stars are the ones we discuss.
And stars are the ones we make statues for.